Hound Dogs
by Tono Radish
Summary: A cross over based on a tweet by "wrongspideyloki" so I hope y'all are into it. It's set somewhere between Avengers 1 and Spiderman Homecoming but I messed with the timeline slightly for convenience reasons. So what happens when a loser nerd loses his uncle, gets bit by a radioactive spider, and has to house an ass hole alien God on the run all while trying to attend high school?


_I got this idea from "wrongspideyloki" on twitter when they posted about Peter being Lilo and Loki being Stitch. I love these two dork losers and I want them to be happy. It's been a while since I've written any fanfiction but I will do my best to please bear with me… Brother Bear? (note to self: make more crossovers). This turned into a little bit of a shit post._

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 **ASGARD - THRONE ROOM**

The palace shined a glittering gold as rays of light beamed in through the open windows of the nearly empty throne room. The weather had been good that day, as it was every day. This was the realm of the gods after all. It was in this place one would only find peace and goodness. The inner warmth of the land and all those who lived there seemed to reflected in that daylight. It cast a gentle glow around their great ruler who sat in his decadent throne. Spires extended from all over the throne as if mimicking those brilliant light rays. And beside the king stood the brightest ray of them all: Thor, the king's son and rightful heir to the kingdom and all its riches.

Thor was a proud young man with a brave and noble heart. His occasional arrogance was always forgiven as his love for himself was only matched in his love for his people. At his hip was the legendary Mjolnir, a hammer crafted from the heart of a dying star and his mightiest weapon. And yet he felt it was alive in many ways and considered it more of a companion than a tool. Thor was large and muscular. However his body was smooth to the touch, as if he were made of silk covered stone. He had a mess of wild blonde hair that seemed to be ever flowing upon his head. His jawline was wide and sharp, his beard was thick but maintained. His eyes were steely and yet there was a softness there if one looked deeply enough. He was strong yet benevolent. And beautiful to boot.

This truly was the realm eternal. So then why, on a glorious day such as this, did Thor seem so sad?

It is true that no bad apple grows in Asgard. However, a poison had been brought in from elsewhere. This poison was a man of Thor's age with jet black hair and an icy gaze. He was dragged into the grand hall and made to kneel at the king's feet. He hissed and struggled as if he were a snake.

"Hello, Father," the monstrous man said, settling down momentarily.

"No son of mine would commit the atrocities you have. You managed to escape capital punishment last time when you brought the Frost Giants in to kill me but this time you were not so lucky. After your deeds on Midguard I am afraid I can no longer turn a blind eye to your antics."

"But it would be so easy for you. Especially because you quite literally blind in one eye."

Thor shot a hand up to cover his own mouth. He kept his poker face fairly well but he could not hide the smile in his eyes. Loki gestured to his brother.

"See, Thor thinks I'm funny. Can we not let bygones be bygones, Father?"

"Silence," their father's voice boomed, echoing along the throne room's high arching ceilings and large pillars. He gazed down at Loki with his single eye and Loki shrank. Even though he was a fully grown adult he still seemed like a child.

"You are not my son," the king concluded, "and you will be put to death immediately."

"Father, please," Thor interjected suddenly.

"You are blinded by your pure heart. You must see with a clear mind if you want to be a great king someday. There is no saving him. He must be eliminated."

"But Father."

His father wasted no time in silencing his son, "Loki of Jotunheim, for your transgressions against the peace of the nine realms you shall be put to death at once."

Loki seemed to gaze into his reflection in the golden floor beneath him. Thor looked away. The men dragged Loku out of the room, he did not struggle. Thor looked up to glance at his brother one last time as the door shut behind him. Thor turned to his father.

"Oden. Please. Reconsider."

"It is already done, Thor."

"No, you may still change your mind. There is good in Loki, I've seen it. He can change. I can change him. Just give us a little more time."

"Loki's heart is dark and twisted. We have already… lost him," he brought a hand up to cover his face.

"Father?"

"You… are not the only one who is hurting now."

Thor knelt down to his father, moving his hand away from his face, "Please, father. Let me do this."

And for a moment, Oden seemed to consider it. He loved and trusted his son above all others. He sighed, gazing into his boy's big blue puppy dog eyes.

"Very well."

Thor stood up immediately, smiling ear to ear, "Yes!"

"Go fetch them for me."

"Yes, Father."

"Just run after them- no no! Not the hammer!"

Oden was too late. Thor had already flung his hammer and was zooming to the end of the great hall, blasting through the doors, after his brother. Only his brother was not there. The guards were and they were completely passed out. His eyes bugged out of his head at the sight.

"Why am I even surprised…"

"Thor?" Oden called from behind him, clearly knowing what was up but he was letting Thor pretend he was unaware.

"They ummm seemed to be faster than I thought," he said hiding the bodies behind a pillar, "I shall go get him at once."

"You do that, Thor… Thor?"

"Uh yes, father?"

"You have one hour to bring him back here." 

"... Yes father," he called back breaking into a cold sweat as he flew off to find Loki.

Loki stood at the entrance to the Bifrost, armed with a dagger and an equally sharp smirk, "Heimdall. I'm going to need you to open the Bifrost."

The golden man stared at Loki, "I thought you were the smart brother."

"I am."

"Then why do you think I will open the Bifrost to you?"

"You see everything, Heimdall," Loki said sauntering closer, "you should be able to see that I'm going to get out of here even if it means killing you."

"I do see everything. I see your brother is worried about you. I see that he wants to help but you won't let him. I see that you want his help but won't admit it."

"Silence!"

Heimdall was unimpressed with Loki's impression of Oden, "I think you should stay here."

"And be slaughtered? I can only take so much embarrassment, Heimdall. Enough stalling, open the Bifrost."

"Say please."

Loki eyed Heimdall, clearly frustrated with his former nanny. Then he looked just beyond Heimdall, eyes wide and terrified.

"No," he muttered, "No it can't be."

"That isn't going to work, Loki."

Loki took a half step back, he shook his head, "Heimdall, please. You have to move. He going to kill you if you don't."

"I see everything, there is no one behind me."

"Heimdall, you have to make a run for it," Loki was on the brink of tears.

"Loki…"

Loki suddenly pointed, "Look over there!"

Heimdall's poker face broke. He fell for it and twitched his head a little to look at whatever was frightening Loki. There was nothing there. Why does he always fall for this? When he looked back Loki was already at his sword, ready to escape on the Bifrost.

"Loki!" They both turned to see Thor standing at the entrance to the Bifrost, "Loki, don't do it! I spoke to father! He said he would imprison you instead of killing you!"

"Thor… Why would I choose either of those when I'm escaping?"

"Because… Oh. Uhhh but Loki!"

"What?"

Thor pulled out his puppy dog eyes, "Please don't do this brother. Please… Let me help you."

Loki looked unimpressed, "you think the puppy dog eyes will work on me?"

"Then you are truly lost!"

Loki smiled again, "ta ta for now," and he was sucked up into the rainbow bridge.

Thor looked at where his brother once stood, "Where did he go? What will become of him?"

Heimdall nodded his head and pursed his lips, "he's going to a place where he'll suffer a fate worse than anything your father could sentence him to."

"Thanos?"

Heimdall went still and looked to Thor, "worse than Thanos."

"But what could be worse than Thanos?"

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 **MIDGARD - NEW YORK CITY - MIDTOWN SCHOOL OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY**

The school lockers made a banging sound as a skinny kid was shoved up against them. He was a freshman in high school and stood no chance against the Guatemalan super nerd gone rich kid: Flash.

"Come on Flash, not the glasses. I can't afford a new pair."

"What's that? You want me to break your glasses over your fucking face? You're into some freaky shit, Parker."

"N-No! That's not what I said! Please Flash! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

The skinny kid gulped, he looked like he was protecting a toad his mouth- his lips were in such a tight line. As distressed as a pubescent could look he tentatively nodded his head. Why did he have to say "anything?"

He stood up on the roof the school after the day had ended and everyone was making their ways home. His hands were duct taped together and a microphone was in between them place. He looked back at Flash, who held his glasses hostage. The nerd gulped his little toad and took in a deep breath, turning on the megaphone. It made a sharp megaphone noise and the poor kid jammed his eyes shut. He would be the only person who managed to not see his reputation go even lower than it already was.

"HELLO EVERYONE! MY NAME IS PETER PARKER AND I'M A PENIS!"

And flash threw his glasses over the roofside, where they hit the grass and luckily only snapped in half this time. He laughed and applauded, leaving Peter stranded with his hands still bound. Peter sighed and set the megaphone down.

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 **MIDGARD - NEW YORK CITY - AUNT MAY'S PLACE**

"Peter? Peter, honey, it's dinner time!"

"I'm not hungry…"

"Come on, Peter! Your Uncle Ben cooked so it's edible!"

"Please, Aunt May… Not tonight… Just leave me alone tonight."

Aunt May stood on the opposite side of Peter's closed door. She could hear him sniffing, like he was hiding the fact that he was crying again. She pretended not to notice for his sake.

"Alright Peter. We'll save you some in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Okay…" His stomach suddenly growled but he had already committed to the bit.

Aunt May went into the kitchen to talk with Ben. Ben was a sweet, older man with black and gray hair and a neat little goatee. He was a little thicker around the middle but that plush middle and its weird noises always made Peter feel safe when he hugged it as a child.

"He got bullied again, I just know it," she whispered to her husband, "Hey, Ben. Maybe I could pass for a high schooler. I could go in there and slap whoever keeps breaking Peter's glasses around a little bit. No, better plan. I slap him around a lotta bit."

"Settle down, May. Peter's in high school now. He doesn't need you fighting his battles for him."

"But then who will fight for him? Peter is such a sweet kid, he'd never hurt a fly much less a bully?"

"Peter hasn't even told us he's being bullied yet. We don't want to embarrass him by confronting him about it. He's a tough little warrior on the inside. It'll come out when the time is right."

May held her fist out to Ben, "And when the teachers call us because Peter finally snapped we'll pretend to be upset with him when we pick him up but then we'll throw a party as soon as we get home."

"Sounds good. So until then let's just be there for Peter. We can support him on the home front and, maybe we'll give him a little talking to. We can tell him a story from my fighting days or something."

May pat Ben's thin head of hair, "You were a boxer for less than a year."

Ben laughed, cracking open a cold beer, "I never won once."

"How do we cheer up Peter, though," May asked, serving up the food Ben cooked.

"Don't worry, I've been saving something for an occasion like this."

"Peter," Ben called through the door softly.

"Go away," Peter muffled in his pillow.

"Okay, Peter… I guess I'll just have to watch this new VHS by myself-"

The door suddenly opened, "A new VHS?"

"Rented it this afternoon."

"... What's it called," Peter squinted at Ben.

"It's this old movie called The Breakfast Club."

Peter's eyes twinkled with starlight, "old movies, yessssss."

"I'M ALREADY MAKING HOT CHOCOLATE," Aunt May screamed from the next room.

Peter's eyes twinkled with even more starlight, "hot chocolate, yesssss."

"We're out of marshmallows, I'll go to the convenience store to get some," Ben said.

"I'll come with you, Uncle Ben," Peter chirped.

"No, you stay here and eat those leftover we set aside for you. I could hear your stomach grumbling through the door. I'll be back in ten minutes. You're gonna love this one Peter, there's a kid in it who's just like you."

"Is he cool?"

Ben just put a firm hand on Peter's shoulder, "cool isn't the point. I'll be back in ten."

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

Peter and May sat at the dinner table, Peter having long finished his food.

"Uncle Ben sure is taking a while?"

"I wonder what's holding him up," Aunt May said getting Peter's dish to wash.

"He's probably just buying way more than he went in for, that always happens. I'll go get him. I'm sure he needs help carrying all his bags of chips."

Aunt May laughed, "Well if you're getting extra stuff anyway would you mind getting me flaming hot cheetos?"

"You bet, May. I'll be right back."

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 **MIDGARD - NEW YORK CITY - WOODLAWN CEMETERY**

They put Uncle Ben in the ground. Aunt May cried and Peter held her just gazing into the hole. Ben was gunned down during a convenience store robbery. He tried to fight the guy to save the store clerk. Uncle Ben died a hero, they said. But all Peter could think was "don't be the hero." If heroes just get killed then what's the point? And Uncle Ben wasn't an Avenger or anything like he saw on the TV. Uncle Ben was just a regular guy trying to do the right thing. And look where that got him?

At school Peter was quiet, he kept his head low. Flash didn't bother him anymore, not like he used to. Peter thought of all the marshmallows he could buy with the money he was saving on tape and lenses. If he bought enough marshmallows could he send some back in time to Ben so he wouldn't have to go out? Peter became even more isolated.

Uncle Ben didn't have much in the way of an inheritance but he left pretty much everything to Aunt May. She gave Peter the VHSs. Peter didn't want them. She told him they were his anyway and he finally agreed to that.

And then, one night,

"It's me again. Sorry it's been a while. You took my Uncle from me and that was kinda a dick move- I'm sorry. That was rude. I'm not feeling great, I haven't for a while. I know you can't send me back Uncle Ben so… I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel? The nicest angel you have… Amen."

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 **MIDGARD - NEW YORK CITY- CENTRAL PARK**

A beam of light shot into the middle of the park leaving a burn mark in the dirt and Loki crouched in the grass. He dusted himself off and stood up properly. It was dark out, he needed to wait a moment to adjust to the darkness. When he did he made his way toward some lights, the main city. He needed to find some food and figure out where he was staying. Then he supposed it didn't matter as he could just magic his way through most things… but then again if he did magic the Avengers might catch wind of it and send the Hulk his way. He stopped for a moment when he passed by a flier for a local children's production of _Spring Awakening_ \- holy hell they're actually having kids perform that? He looked at the kid's dumb smile on the poster. The whole thing really was terrible.

"Still, they're looking for Loki so…"

And he transformed into a younger version of himself, a teen, in a german costume that matched the poster. He kept walking and focused his magic on keeping Heimdall's eyes off of him.

 **-this-is-a-line-break-**

 _So that's it for chapter one! I hope you liked it!_


End file.
